Peggy's Musings

A Different World for Women

My granddaughters are growing up in a very different world – far different from my own youth. One of my immediate awarenesses of this is the way my oldest granddaughter is preparing to apply to colleges – and hoping to get an athletic scholarship. She’s a straight A student, but competition is so great these days that other skills/activities are important as well.

The very idea that there are “athletic scholarships” for women is a perfect illustration of the different world for women today. This didn’t exist prior to 1972 with the passage of Title IX, banning discrimination on the basis of sex in schools that receive federal funds (which was all schools). And while there were NO athletic scholarships for women in 1970, by 1984 there were 10,000.

I had forgotten just how recently this particular change took place until I was reading Gail Collins’ new book, “When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present.”

Most young women have no idea what a different world they’re inheriting – thanks to the trailblazing work done by other women. But since I’m old enough to remember so many of the key changes, reading this book was like a trip down memory lane. I married in 1955 and was a very traditional wife, not knowing or caring that I had almost no independent ‘rights’ (to have a credit card, get a loan, etc.). So I have personally lived through the process of learning these things and acting on them much later in my life.

So many things about life in those days now seem impossible. For instance, flight attendants were “stewardesses” who could be fired for being married or gaining weight, etc., and jobs were listed as “Help Wanted: Male” or “Help Wanted: Female.”

During the first 7 years of my marriage, before the children were born, I worked in one of the typically “women’s jobs,” being a secretary. I never focused on the fact that during that period so few women had jobs other than those “designated” for women. In fact, in 1960 women accounted for 6 percent of American doctors, 3 percent of lawyers, and less than 1 percent of engineers.

By the time my own daughter was an adult and got a law degree, she didn’t need to consider how there once were so few women in that profession – or that those who did get early law degrees had a wide range of issues to deal with. Here’s an excerpt from “When Everything Changed” describing the experience of Ruth Bader Ginsburg:

“When Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the future Supreme Court justice, went to Harvard Law School, the dean held a dinner for the handful of women in the class. He jovially opened up the conversation by asking them ‘to explain what we were doing in law school taking a place that could be held by a man.’”

After graduating from law school as a star pupil, Justice Ginsburg was not able to obtain a job in the law profession. Not a single law firm in the entire city of New York offered her a position.

The experience of the first female Supreme Court Justice was similar. When Sandra Day O'Connor graduated from law school, she applied to many law firms, but the only job she was offered was as a secretary.

These success stories, despite such barriers, stand as shining examples for young women today – who take it for granted that they can be successful in any area of life they choose.

My granddaughters like to talk of “Girl Power” – and they take pride in being female, just as my daughter takes pride in having 3 daughters. I feel very fortunate to have both a daughter and a son. This perspective allows me to want the best for BOTH genders. Ironically, I see far more changes for females than males. So we don’t want to lose sight of the importance of working toward a “Different World for Men” as well.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Tribute to Strong Women

Women serve as the foundation of the family, and one of their primary roles has been to preserve the family history.

Below are the words from a greeting card I sent to my great-aunt Roberta - which perfectly expressed the role of this very special woman in my own family. She was the one who had maintained the most detailed history of the family going back many generations - which meant a lot to me because it allowed me to know more of my Cherokee Indian heritage.

“It is the women of our families who keep the traditions,
preserve the memories, and hold us close.
Where would we be without our grandmothers, aunts,
sisters, and others who add so many ‘motherly’ touches to our lives…
Who encourage and sympathize, build our confidence,
and let us know that their love is always behind us—beautiful and strong.
Where would we be without wonderful women like you?”

Ironically, although Aunt Roberta and I have corresponded for more than 20 years, we have never met in person. But I've saved all her letters, and her importance in my life has been significant.

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Another wonderful woman in my family was my Daddy’s oldest sister, Aunt Carmen. I greatly admired and appreciated her in life; and when she died, I wrote the following eulogy.

A Remarkable Woman.

Aunt Carmen was one of a kind, but also part of a special breed of women with a quiet, inner strength forged from difficulty. She was loving, caring, and giving "above and beyond" the call of duty; also independent, strong-willed, and determined - even stubborn. She forged her own path through life and "did it her way."

Above all - she had a strong sense of family, always helping, advising, coordinating, and keeping various parts of the family connected to each other. She strongly valued family get-togethers (even when she might sleep through them).

A mark of the importance of a person's life is the degree of impact on the lives of others when they're gone. In other words, what difference did they make? She made a special difference - the kind of difference that will be greatly missed.

I’ve always felt a special connection with Aunt Carmen – partly because she was the oldest daughter of one generation in the family and I was the oldest daughter of the next generation.

Her life gives me strength as I remind myself of the kind of stock I come from. I will carry some of her wonderful spirit within my heart to help guide me through the rest of my life.

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The Special Strength of Women who are Mothers

Many years ago, ‘New Woman’ magazine did a survey of mothers, asking them to consider the following question:
“I might be driven to kill another human being, if need be, in order to protect my child(ren) from serious harm or death.”

Here are the responses they received from 12,500 readers:
81% said yes
4% said no
15% said they didn’t know

As the magazine said in reporting these statistics:
“Throughout the animal community, females with offspring are very aggressive. Certainly in the woods there’s nothing worse than to run into a female bear with three cubs; compared to her, a male bear is nothing. The maternal instinct has always been in women, as well as in female animals. Women aren’t passive ‘in nature;’ they have simply been cast in that role.”

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Yes, women are strong in many areas, and we can all take inspiration from their strength. So as families gather during this holiday season, I hope we will pause to appreciate and acknowledge the special role of the women in our families. This is a great opportunity to show our appreciation and respect for what they do - now, before it’s too late.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Women Today

As a woman who is the mother of a daughter and three granddaughters, I have a strong interest in all aspects of the status of women today. Actually, I’ve been interested in this issue for many years, having gone through my own transformation from a 50’s traditional young married woman to gradually becoming a 70’s feminist. (Yes, I’m a ‘feminist’ - whose definition is being for equality in all aspects of life for both men and women. After all, I also have a son and want only the best for him as well.)

In 1992 we heard pronouncements about that being “the year of the woman.” However, the current period appears to be a far more significant time regarding the changing status of women in this country. The most recent evidence of women’s progress is outlined in the 454-page ‘Shriver Report’ (a study by Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress) titled “A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything.”

The report includes a slight disclaimer about the reference in the title to ‘a woman’s nation’ by declaring: “While deliberately provocative, [this phrase] does not mean we are, but just as surely it does mean we no longer live in a man’s world, underscoring a significant trend of the gradual, undeniable, and irreversible progress toward gender equality in every arena of American life - from the public sector… to private life.”

The report does provide convincing evidence of the changing status of women – not just in a few areas, but in a wide range of aspects of life, including: the economy, government, immigrants, health, education, business, faith, media, men, and marriage. In addition, the October 26, 2009, issue of Time Magazine reports the results of their Time Poll on the status of women - both at work and at home.

These current reports are only the latest in a series of articles and books that describe the growing influence of women in all parts of American life. In fact, a couple of books I’ve read during the past year go beyond describing women’s growing ‘influence,’ to pointing out their growing ‘power.’

I recently read a book called “Womenomics” by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay (both TV journalists) that provides data indicating that those companies with more women in senior positions were more profitable. It reports on a Pepperdine study that found “companies with the best records of promoting women beat the industry average by 116 percent in terms of equity, 46 percent in terms of revenue, and 41 percent in terms of assets.” (The study report was called ‘Women in the Executive Suite Correlate to High Profits.’) Certainly, bottom-line results like this greatly enhance the potential power of women in the workplace.

Even earlier, Dee Dee Myers wrote a book with the provocative title, “Why Women Should Rule the World.” As the first female White House press secretary during the Clinton presidency, she primarily sets forth the NEED for more women to be in positions of authority. She describes the special challenges for women in succeeding in any realm of politics or business - in fact, in all leadership positions. She also points out the special strengths women bring to leadership, arguing that “women possess the kind of critical problem-solving skills that are urgently needed to break down barriers, build understanding, and create the best conditions for peace.”

We would be remiss to focus ONLY on the changing influence of ‘American women.’ Women around the world are taking on leadership roles in striking ways. There are women leaders of a number of other countries, but the most impressive changes have happened in the daily lives of ordinary women – most prominently through the success of ‘microfinance’ projects in poverty-ridden nations.

This microcredit effort began in 1976 with Mahummad Yunus loaning very small amounts of money (beginning with $27) to women so they could get materials or animals, etc., to begin their own businesses as entrepreneurs. They were highly responsible and repaid the loans at astounding rates, so the practice has continued to grow through the years to many countries, supported by many organizations. It’s become clear that women were more successful because they used their profits for the good of the family – whereas men gaining access to money in these countries tended to use it for their own personal pleasures.

The changes for women in these situations has been enormous – not just in the ‘business’ arena, but also in their personal lives. Whereas many women had been suppressed or abused prior to becoming financially successful, their husbands began valuing them and treating them with respect.

Being valued and respected is something desired by all people – both men and women. And if the increasing influence of women can help bring this about, then it will be a win-win for everyone. But we all have a role to play in determining whether or not this happens.

For instance, parents play the first and most important role in making this possible. So the challenge for all of us is to focus on raising our sons and daughters to be equally valued and supported so that everyone will grow up prepared to be leaders and productive members of society.

P.S. If you’d like to read the entire Shriver Report for yourself, you can download it in pdf format at The Shriver Report. This page also has links that you can click to read excerpts from the report online.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Capable at Any Age

I just read a book called “Defying Gravity.” It’s aimed at women, but contains a valuable message for everyone. It encourages us to stop thinking it’s too late to do whatever we really want to do, rather to identify what we really love and ‘go for it.’

I think the first instance I can recall personally of someone who embodied the message of the book was President Jimmy Carter’s mother. At 68, “Miss Lillian” joined the Peace Corps, where she spent 21 months working in India, including with lepers.

The book contains the stories of a number of women who were ‘late bloomers,’ only pursuing something they loved when they were older. Of course, your idea of what defines being ‘older’ changes as you age. For instance, some of the women profiled were in their 40s or 50s when they embarked on a new venture in life – while others were in their 60s, 70s or 80s.

As we get older, we tend to get more fearless. I can sense this in myself these days. I’m becoming far more willing to take risks in saying and doing things I might have censored at an earlier age. I wish I could have had this attitude when I was younger instead of being so cautious, always second-guessing myself. But it’s never too late to make changes in your attitude about what you can and can’t do.

While, of course, there are physical limitations that come into play as you get older, even those are usually exaggerated. The body is quite capable and resilient when we care for it in a responsible way. And whatever physical diminishment there might be is more than compensated for by the emotional and psychological strength that comes from dealing with a lifetime of challenges. Overall, I actually feel stronger as an overall person than I did when I was much younger.

However, this concept of deciding what we can or can’t do at various ages is not limited to older people. It’s also true when applied to very young people. In earlier days when children bore a lot of family responsibilities, they excelled at tasks that today we tend to think are too difficult for children. But in most cases they are far more capable than we allow them to demonstrate.

We hear exceptional stories of how young children have saved a parent’s life through some timely act. But there are many more examples of children in everyday situations who simply do what needs to be done. For instance, just this week I witnessed this kind of situation. I was in a public bathroom stall when I heard a conversation between a mother and her daughter, who sounded extremely young.

The child was reporting on her progress in ‘taking care of business’ in the next stall while her mother asked questions from outside. Then when the child exited the stall, the conversation continued with the child obviously handling her own washing-of-hands, etc. I was curious as to why the mother wasn’t more ‘hands-on’ with such an obviously young child. So I rushed to exit my stall before they could leave the restroom.

Then I understood what was happening. Sure enough, the child was only about 3 years old. But she was quite the capable, independent little girl - because she had obviously had lots of experience, based on ‘needing’ to be that way. Her mother was sitting in a special electric chair that accommodated her severe physical disability.

There was no evidence of a downside to this situation in that the child seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the outing with her mother – with no thought that this was anything but ‘normal.’ It was a beautiful example of being ‘capable at any age.’

So the next time you think that you (as you age) or your child (when they’re young) aren’t capable of something, you might want to consider whether we have been selling ourselves and our children short. We unnecessarily limit ourselves and our children by a mindset that fails to recognize and appreciate our abilities throughout our lives.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.