Peggy's Musings

Silence is Golden

I’m a talker. The strange thing is that I don’t particularly LIKE to talk. Although being socially skilled (in that I can talk to almost anyone about almost anything at any time) has served me well through the years, it’s also taken a toll. Recently, I’ve become clearer that part of the unwarranted stress I feel a lot of the time is due to this compulsion to talk.

I’ve known for more than a year that my way of talking (both fast and frequently) was something I needed to work on. One of the items on the list of changes I wanted to make included: “Talk less and talk more slowly.” (I wrote about this at the time in a post titled Changing Old Habits.)

But just this week I discovered that I had not gone far enough in changing my talking habits. It turns out that just ‘talking less’ wasn’t sufficient. I needed to practice having some long periods of absolute silence. (I’ve read about people who spend one day a week in total silence, and frankly, thought that was a little extreme. But on a whim, I decided to try it.)

So I spent one full day not saying a word to anyone. Since my husband and I work at home and are together all day, this was a challenge for him as well as for me. In order not to shut him out completely, a couple of times when there was something that really NEEDED to be communicated, we wrote notes.

While I expected that talking had an influence, I’m amazed at the fact that it seems to be THE determining factor in the difference between feeling stressed and feeling calm. To my surprise, I was completely calm all day long.

For me, this is very unusual – in that the only times in the past when I had been that calm were when I was alone. I had assumed the earlier times of calmness had been due strictly to the fact that I was alone and not accountable for myself in any way. But it turns out that it was the silence that made the difference – whether or not I was alone.

Since it’s not only unreasonable, but also undesirable, to spend large chunks of your life in silence, I have determined that for me, silence is the golden ticket to being calm. So both for my health and my emotional well-being, I’ll be scheduling some regular periods of silence into my schedule.

This is not an easy decision for me to make because I had always felt that slowing myself down too much (in any way, including talking) would somehow lessen my ability to get a lot done. But, not surprisingly, being calmer actually allows me to be MORE productive. So it’s a win-win all the way around.

I do realize that I’m fortunate to be at a place in life where I don’t have the kinds of responsibilities that would make this kind of ‘no-talking’ zone unrealistic (due to children or a job outside the home). However, even when not actively interacting with friends, family, or co-workers, most people tend to fill any possible times for silence with other things – like listening to music or watching TV.

The hectic pace of life today makes it all the more important that we try to recharge our batteries in whatever ways possible. So for anyone who struggle with lots of intensity/stress – and has some flexibility in how they spend their time - I highly recommend setting aside some time for silence.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Plastics!

For those who have seen the 1967 movie, “The Graduate” with Dustin Hoffman, you’ll recall that one of the most memorable scenes (other than the seduction by Mrs. Robinson) was when Benjamin (Hoffman’s character) was involved in the following exchange with his father’s friend regarding his future now that he had graduated from college.

Mr. McGuire: I want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire: PLASTICS
Benjamin: Just how do you mean that, sir?

Well, the way Mr. McGuire meant that word was that a career in ‘plastics’ was the future. It turns out that this statement was prophetic – because during the 40+ years since that movie, plastics have indeed become hugely successful. So successful in fact, that it has become the answer to another (very different) question: “What is one of the primary contributors to the pollution of our planet?”

If you think this is an extreme statement, consider the following about our consumption of products involving plastic.

2 million plastic bottles are consumed every 5 minutes.
(200 billion plastic bottles are consumed in one year.)

1.14 million grocery paper bags are consumed every hour.

2.3 million pounds of plastic enters the world’s oceans every hour.

Frankly, these numbers are hard to comprehend because we can’t quite imagine what that would look like. But I now have a much better sense of it – because I just watched 2 short videos that visually translate these numbers into pictures. Photographer Chris Jordan put together visual illustrations for these and many other numbers that demonstrate the degree of damage created by our consumerism.

I strongly encourage you to watch them these videos. One video is 10 minutes and the other is 8 minutes for a total of 18 minutes. And they are absolutely fascinating. See: Making the Invisible Tangible.

One of the most fascinating pieces is in the second video about the destruction caused by “the Great Pacific Garbage Patch” in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It covers an area of the ocean about twice the size of Texas, but can’t be seen as a ship moves through it because it’s 60 feet under water.

However, it’s having a huge effect on the whole eco-system – beginning with the deadly impact of Albatross babies born on Midway Island (which is right in the middle of this garbage patch). The parents fly out in search of food for the babies, filling their pouch and returning to feed the babies what they find, which is Plastic - that kills them. The real-life photos of these dead birds which have been cut open to expose stomachs full of all kinds of plastic trash is a real wake-up call.

In fact, it’s visual evidence of our need to focus on the impact of our runaway consumerism – and how we dispose of it, especially our plastics. The videos challenge us by pointing out that “We’re lost as a culture.” But they also encourage us to take responsibility for doing our part to change the culture.

Personally, watching them led me to commit to a different level of use and disposal of plastics. For instance, I buy bottled water, but have felt good about the fact that I re-use the bottles several times before throwing them away. However, I have now gotten some reusable bottles that are ‘safe’ and (despite the fact that they’re larger than I prefer to use), I will use them more often instead of the small ‘unsafe’ plastic bottles I had been using.

And whenever I do use a small plastic bottle, I’ll make sure I recycle it. This is something I had always done prior to moving to our current location, but here there’s no convenient recycling bin and I had slipped into the bad habit of throwing them away after several uses. However, there’s a public park with recycling bins only a couple of blocks away where I go walking almost every day. So I’m committing to taking all my plastic garbage there for recycling.

There’s a growing number of possible sites that make it easier to recycle plastics. For instance, my local grocery store has a bin for depositing the plastic bags you took home from a previous shopping trip. But the plastic bag issue is one I confronted (and wrote about) some time ago – when I switched from using plastic bags to taking my own canvas bags when I go grocery shopping.

I encourage each of you to think of ways you can make a small contribution toward addressing this very large problem. There are so many problems in the world that it’s sometimes overwhelming to try to do the ‘right thing’ about each one - especially if we think our small gesture won’t make any difference. But if enough people take small steps in their daily lives to reverse some of the bad habits related to our consumerism, it can make all the difference in the world.

For more inspiration, I recommend a wonderful book titled:
“State of the World 2010: Transforming Cultures: From Consumerism to Sustainability.” It’s by The Worldwatch Institute (Author), Erik Assadourian (Author, Muhammad Yunus (Foreword) and can be ordered from Amazon.com.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Lessons from the Olympics

Although watching the Olympics provides lots of information about what it takes to excel in sports, it also provides lots of examples about what it takes to excel in life! Here are just a few of the life lessons to be gleaned from what some of the athletes did in this Olympics.

Hard work over the years can allow people to excel beyond anything previously done by anyone. (While there were many examples of excellence during this Olympics, a few of them really stand out.)
Shaun White’s new spectacular half-pipe trick had never been attempted or accomplished by anyone else. He developed it himself and ‘went for it’ in his final run – although he had already wrapped up the Gold with his previous run. He pushed himself to prove what he could do under pressure.
In figure skating, two women (who won Gold and Silver) provided another example of excellence: Kim Yu-Na scored more points overall than any previous skater ever! And Mao Asada has set several records of never-before-done jumps by a woman in competition.
Also, short-track speed skater Apolo Ohno set a new record for combined medals won by an American in Olympic competition.

You can redeem yourself from failure – if you’re willing to do what it takes and try again.
Bodie Miller, alpine skier, was widely considered a major ‘failure’ at the Torino Olympics four years ago. He had the talent needed to excel, but he failed in a spectacular way, mostly through his own attitude of ‘not caring’ – plus his actions of drinking and carousing at night during the Games. This time he came in with a completely different attitude - and went away with a Gold, a Silver, and a Bronze medal.

Guts and determination can allow you to break through pain and fear to go ahead and succeed.
Lindsey Vonn earned the Gold medal in skiing’s downhill, despite a shin injury that forced her to ski with a lot of pain. She also went on to win a bronze medal in the Super G event. Although the injury could have been used as an ‘excuse’ to hold back, she fought through the pain to great success. While she didn’t earn as many medals as had been predicted (expected?), she was wisely happy with her performances, having succeeded against odds that might have derailed someone with less guts and determination.

Courage and strength can allow you to weather any storm – or tragedy.
Figure Skater Joannie Rochette took to ice only 48 hours after the death of her Mother from a massive heart attack. Her mother had arrived at the Olympics to watch her skate, and her father was still there. Since her mother had been such a strong supporter of her skating through the years, she knew she would want her to go ahead – despite her grief. She performed wonderfully, and ‘held it together’ until the end, when she finally cried. (Everyone watching was crying as well.) It was inspiring to see her strength and courage in performing so well in both her short program and free skate, earning her the Bronze medal.

Poor sportsmanship can pollute appreciation for one’s athletic ability.
Evgeni Plushenko (who won the Gold medal in ice skating at the 2006 Olympics) had retired, but decided to come back and compete in the 2010 Olympics as well. He wound up with the Silver medal this time – and reacted in a most unsportsmanlike way. He claimed he was ‘robbed’ because he performed a quad jump, when the Gold medal winner did not. However, none of his jumps were of the quality (mostly in the shaky landings) as the perfect jumps of the Gold medal winner. So rather than burnishing his reputation as a winner, he’s now widely seen as a sore loser.

People with whom you compete can ALSO be cherished friends.
Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir of Canada were the Gold medal winners of the ice dancing competition and Meryl David and Charlie White of the U.S. were the Silver medal winners. Far from there being any animosity between the skaters, they are actually very close friends, training together and knowing each other since they were quite young. So there was nothing but happiness on the part of everyone in celebrating all of their success.

So the next time you feel like you can’t accomplish something you’ve set out to do, these examples can serve as inspiration for what’s possible – both in performance and in attitude – that can bring great satisfaction in your life.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Do you hear what I think I’m saying?

I recently had a conversation with someone I didn’t know too well about a fairly serious topic, so I was trying to be as clear as possible about my thinking on the subject. Nevertheless I came to see that what I ‘thought’ I was saying was NOT what the other person was hearing. (Since we didn’t seem to ‘connect, I suspect that I may not have ‘heard’ what she thought she was saying as well.)

So once I was alone again, I tried to analyze why we had so much trouble communicating clearly. I recognize that part of the problem with hearing what the other person is saying is based on our own individual ‘filters’ through which we judge everything we hear. These filters are made up of each of our ‘perceptions’ based on our personal attitudes, beliefs, and experiences.

But another major factor in miscommunication is the fact that the ‘words’ we use are a very minor part of the ‘message’ we send. The 'attitude' behind the words carries far more of the message. In studies of face-to-face communication, Dr. Albert Mehrabian found that words are far less crucial to a message than most people would expect.

His original research (described in his 1971 book, “Silent Messages”) has been repeated several times over the past 30 years. These years of research and observation suggest that there are three basic components of effective face-to-face communication.

His findings revealed the following about the impact of what we say:
7% comes from the actual words we speak
38% comes from the sounds and tones we use
55% comes from our body language, expressions, etc.

The bottom line is that our tone of voice and our body language will overrule our words every time.

The 38% importance of the sounds and tones we use includes our volume, speed, pitch, emphasis, inflection, and flow (pauses).

And the 55% importance of our body language includes our gestures, posture, proximity/use of space, facial expressions and eye contact.

If these three components (words, tone and body language) are not in alignment, people will pay much more attention to the other aspects of communication than the words we use. These other factors make up the ‘silent messages’ we are sending, and if our words contradict the silent messages, others will mistrust our words.

Ironically, this dynamic relates most strongly to communications where the emotional content is significant and the need to understand it correctly is greatest. So the more important the conversation, the more essential it is that we make sure we’re being congruent in the message we’re sending.

Most of us have had this kind of experience, but understanding the dynamics behind it can remind us of the importance of saying what we really mean – since the ‘silent message’ gets through despite the words we use.

A final word of caution: email, texting, and other non face-to-face conversations leave us deprived of 93% of the clues needed to accurately assess the meaning behind a person’s words. So it's important to recognize that the other person is unlikely to clearly hear what we 'think' we're saying.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Education is Powerful

I’ve had a life-long interest in issues related to education, along with the inevitable concerns that come with paying attention to what’s happening in this area and how it affects our future. Most of my focus has been on education here in the U.S., but for the past few years I’ve had a growing interest in what’s happening in other countries – especially when it comes to educating girls.

A lot of my interest in education around the world is due to having read Greg Mortenson’s two books about his efforts (and successes) in building schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan. I read “Three Cups of Tea” a few years ago and have just finished reading his newest, “Stones into Schools.”

For those who don’t know the story of Greg Mortenson’s path to this work, it began in 1993 when had a serious accident while mountain climbing in the Himalayans and was rescued and nursed back to health by a group of people in a small Pakistani village in the area. During his recovery, he came to learn about their extreme poverty, the Islamic extremism, and lack of education.

He also learned of the strong wish of parents to be able to educate their children and the desperate desire of children, especially girls, to be able to learn. This led to his commitment to work to provide educational opportunities for Central Asian children, particularly young girls. The impact of this work goes far beyond just the education of who would be girls attending school for the first time. As he explains, “when you educate a girl, you educate a community.”

So he spent a great deal of time (and, according to custom, drank enormous amounts of tea) in the process of gaining the respect and support of the leaders in many villages in the area. Then he began attacking the challenge of raising money, gradually developing an organization and enlisting on-the-ground local people to oversee the work. The result is that he has won over hearts as well as minds during the past 11 years, during which time 131 schools have been built in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The American military wound up taking note of his effectiveness in changing attitudes and pulling people away from their old allegiances that were often aligned against the U.S. In fact, last year Admiral Mike Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, attended the opening of one of new schools to see firsthand what a difference this effort was making in the lives – and the attitudes - of the people.

Admiral Mullen brought some media with him on the trip, one of whom was Thomas Friedman, op-ed columnist for the New York Times. Friedman had a strong interest in these issues as well – not only in those countries, but in Yemen as well. In fact, he wrote a column February 9, 2010, titled ‘It’s All About Schools.’ In this report from Yemen, he said:

“So here is my new rule of thumb: For every Predator missile we fire at an Al Qaeda target here, we should help Yemen build 50 new modern schools that teach science and math and critical thinking — to boys and girls.”

So the issue of educating children in these far-flung areas of the world is important not only for improving their lives, but also for the safety and well-being of ALL children. The interconnected world in which our children will live in the future cries out for our attention to this effort. We’re only beginning to see just how powerful education (or the lack of it) can be.

For more information about Greg Mortenson’s work, see the website of his non-profit organization,
Central Asia Institute (CAI). From there you will find links to more information about the Institute as well as his two books – which I highly recommend.

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NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.