Peggy's Musings

Maggie and Me

I’m midway through a 10-day stay with Maggie. My visit was something I THOUGHT I was doing for her, but it turns out to be one of the best things I’ve done for myself in a long time. Part of this is due to the fact that Maggie is so easygoing and mellow - just what I need to counter my more intense personality. In fact, she's very accommodating and is happy to pretty much go along with whatever I want to do.

For instance, I love to walk (and generally take a long walk every day), but I usually walk alone because others either don’t walk at the pace I prefer or want to take a different route, etc., but Maggie is just happy to be walking and leaves the details completely up to me.

While all the above is true, I don’t want to go further without acknowledging that this wonderful, easygoing Maggie is not a typical friend or relative; she’s the 8-year old Golden Retriever who belongs to my daughter and her family - and I'm just staying with her while they're away.

If you’re not a ‘dog person,’ you may decide not to read the rest of this, but I hope you will – because it’s not really about a dog so much as about experiencing a quiet, peaceful time in the midst of life’s rush. Granted, it’s much easier to be peaceful when you’re alone with a dog as your companion. But since I brought my computer and am continuing my normal work while I’m here, the difference in being here instead of in my usual surroundings is more about a state of mind.

My normal state of mind is pretty hectic and chaotic, despite the fact that my life circumstances don’t call for it. I tend to find things to get ‘excited’ about (any little thing will do) rather than maintaining a degree of calmness in dealing with life. The result is that the ‘stress’ I put on myself on an ongoing basis is contributing to a stomach condition that I’ve addressed with diet and exercise, but haven’t yet reduced my stress – which is the necessary final step.

So one of my ‘missions’ in staying with Maggie was to use her calmness to reinforce the calmness I want to experience for myself. And I’m happy to say that it’s working. Of course, I’m helping it along in some other ways. For instance, I brought along some books that would reinforce the idea of approaching life in a calmer way. One of those books, which I’m re-reading, is Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth.” (Frankly, it’s easier to benefit from the ideas in the book in this environment.)

The other ‘plan’ I’m trying to implement is to be less rigid in my use of time. I normally ‘schedule’ myself, deciding in advance when I’ll do what – rather than doing things in the time and order that feels most natural. (After all, ‘getting them done’ is the goal, not the specific schedule on which they’re done.)

So I want to encourage you to consider in what ways you are ‘stressing’ yourself – beyond the really ‘necessary’ stresses of life. Are there some calming ‘time-outs’ you can give yourself, no matter how small? It’s not essential to change your living space, as I’m doing during this period. There are things we can do anytime, anywhere.

We’ve all heard the simplest ideas – like getting outside in nature, taking a long bath (rather than a quick shower), having a cup of hot tea, sitting in silence with no TV, cell phone, iPod, etc. It’s easy to dismiss these as unrealistic due to having no ‘free time.’ But even the busiest people ‘make time’ (even if it means getting up earlier) to engage in activities that have been shown to make you MORE productive the rest of the day.

I do hope you will stop and consider what you might do to ‘even slightly’ slow down the pace of your life to find a little calmness. I can vouch for the fact that it can be very therapeutic – with or without a dog.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Where All Things Belong – Revisited

More than a year ago, I wrote a piece about a wonderful film I saw back in 1975 called “Where All Things Belong.” It becomes more and more critical that we appreciate the fact that all the peoples of this world are interconnected – and ‘belong’ to the same human family. So I want to revisit that concept and encourage everyone to think more globally about the issues facing all of us today.

Revisiting this theme is due to the fact that I recently received a message from a man who read my earlier article and wanted to know where he could find the film. Unfortunately, I had to tell him that I had no idea. Although I had searched the Internet, I had not been able to find it anywhere.

We owned it in reel form about 30 years ago and showed it at many workshops and seminars, but that copy is long gone. Since it's one of the most uplifting, inspiring movies I've ever seen - I would dearly love to have it now on DVD.

Then the other day I recalled that George Leonard, President of Esalen Institute, had been instrumental in bringing the movie to the conference where I first saw it. So I went to his website and sent him a message, asking for his guidance in finding a current version of the movie.

In the meantime, I also found the words to a song from the movie that I did not recall I had. So I’d like to share it as a way of further reminding us that all things really are connected.

“All things come and go.
Every star melts as surely as every snowflake,
Only to be born again in another time, another place.

From oceans to rain, then to oceans again
The cycle goes on and on.
Through all the changes remains the same
In a world where all things belong.

And the morning turns into night.
The moon and the earth turn dark to light.
And here it goes round til time runs out.
And we each play our part.

We are born into a wondrous world.
We reach out joyously to touch and experience,
To explore, to delight in the ever new discovery
That everything is connected to everything else.

From the moment of birth our lives from the earth.
The earth, its life from the sun.
We work, we play, we live day to day.
Then our life to the earth when it’s done.
And we learn that all things are one.

And the morning turns into night.
The moon and the earth turn dark to light.
The cycle of life ends as it starts.
And we each play our part.
And we each play our part.

We are forever rediscovering
That the world is round
And all things are connected.”

P.S.
I included my first article about this film in my book “Musings on Life.”
Here’s an excerpt from that book containing the earlier article:
Where All Things Belong.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Sitting on Top of the World

I had a (pardon the pun) ‘peak’ experience last week when I hiked all the way to the top of Angels Landing, a mountain in Zion National Park. I had done some hiking in the past – but nothing prepared me for the spectacular nature of REALLY hiking: 5 miles round trip, climbing 1500 ft. (from an altitude of 4200 to 5700 ft).

The trip itself was quite a challenge, but I never considered turning back – even though many people do. There’s something about looking up at the top that just ‘calls you’ to keep going. And it was well worth the trip. It truly felt like we were sitting on top of the world.

However, it was not just the great feeling of reaching the top and seeing the rest of the world so far below. It was also the pure pleasure (and excitement) of the trip itself. Much of the first sections of the hike involved switchbacks, cutting back and forth. But the last portion involved climbing almost straight up – with chains set in the mountain to hold onto in order to facilitate some of the more extreme sections near the top.

I must admit there was a sense of pride in having done this hike, mostly because we got so many comments from younger people who could hardly believe a couple of 73-year-olds were making this climb. But far more important than what I or anyone else ‘thought’ was the sheer way it made me ‘feel’ – so ALIVE!

One of the things that’s missing for many people in today’s world is the sense of vitality that comes from physical exertion. Of course, those who have physically challenging jobs may not find much satisfaction in the full-time exertion that the job entails. But for the masses who sit all or most of the day, there’s nothing quite like vigorously moving your body – especially outside instead of in a gym.

I’m not knocking the gym experience if that’s all you can manage. (I belong to a gym as well.) But while exercising in the gym may benefit your body, it can’t match the benefit to your emotions and your spirit that comes with exercising outdoors.

So I encourage you to find ways to spend more time outdoors in nature – especially engaging in active physical exercise of some sort. It’s not necessary to climb a mountain or even do anything too strenuous. In fact, walking is one of the best (and safest) exercises around – and one that almost everyone can do. Being outside helps clear your head of the clutter from constant exposure to technology, so it’s not only good for your body, but also for your mind.

P.S. If you're interested in seeing some photos of the hike I wrote about above, see: Angels Landing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Capable at Any Age

I just read a book called “Defying Gravity.” It’s aimed at women, but contains a valuable message for everyone. It encourages us to stop thinking it’s too late to do whatever we really want to do, rather to identify what we really love and ‘go for it.’

I think the first instance I can recall personally of someone who embodied the message of the book was President Jimmy Carter’s mother. At 68, “Miss Lillian” joined the Peace Corps, where she spent 21 months working in India, including with lepers.

The book contains the stories of a number of women who were ‘late bloomers,’ only pursuing something they loved when they were older. Of course, your idea of what defines being ‘older’ changes as you age. For instance, some of the women profiled were in their 40s or 50s when they embarked on a new venture in life – while others were in their 60s, 70s or 80s.

As we get older, we tend to get more fearless. I can sense this in myself these days. I’m becoming far more willing to take risks in saying and doing things I might have censored at an earlier age. I wish I could have had this attitude when I was younger instead of being so cautious, always second-guessing myself. But it’s never too late to make changes in your attitude about what you can and can’t do.

While, of course, there are physical limitations that come into play as you get older, even those are usually exaggerated. The body is quite capable and resilient when we care for it in a responsible way. And whatever physical diminishment there might be is more than compensated for by the emotional and psychological strength that comes from dealing with a lifetime of challenges. Overall, I actually feel stronger as an overall person than I did when I was much younger.

However, this concept of deciding what we can or can’t do at various ages is not limited to older people. It’s also true when applied to very young people. In earlier days when children bore a lot of family responsibilities, they excelled at tasks that today we tend to think are too difficult for children. But in most cases they are far more capable than we allow them to demonstrate.

We hear exceptional stories of how young children have saved a parent’s life through some timely act. But there are many more examples of children in everyday situations who simply do what needs to be done. For instance, just this week I witnessed this kind of situation. I was in a public bathroom stall when I heard a conversation between a mother and her daughter, who sounded extremely young.

The child was reporting on her progress in ‘taking care of business’ in the next stall while her mother asked questions from outside. Then when the child exited the stall, the conversation continued with the child obviously handling her own washing-of-hands, etc. I was curious as to why the mother wasn’t more ‘hands-on’ with such an obviously young child. So I rushed to exit my stall before they could leave the restroom.

Then I understood what was happening. Sure enough, the child was only about 3 years old. But she was quite the capable, independent little girl - because she had obviously had lots of experience, based on ‘needing’ to be that way. Her mother was sitting in a special electric chair that accommodated her severe physical disability.

There was no evidence of a downside to this situation in that the child seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the outing with her mother – with no thought that this was anything but ‘normal.’ It was a beautiful example of being ‘capable at any age.’

So the next time you think that you (as you age) or your child (when they’re young) aren’t capable of something, you might want to consider whether we have been selling ourselves and our children short. We unnecessarily limit ourselves and our children by a mindset that fails to recognize and appreciate our abilities throughout our lives.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.

Lasting Love

Today is our 54th wedding anniversary, so I’ve been thinking about how long our love has lasted – through good times and bad. Of course, like most loves, ours began long before the wedding. In fact, it began as ‘puppy love’ when we were about 6 years old. Then when we were about 16, our ‘romantic love’ period began. While that kind of love never completely disappears, through the years it becomes transformed into a deeper form of what I call ‘lasting love.’

I do want to quickly acknowledge that having a marriage that has lasted a long time doesn’t guarantee that the love has lasted as well. Some couples move away from this kind of loving bond, but do not literally move away from each other. This is often a practical decision that may serve their need for companionship, financial support, or just plain old habit. It’s not to be disparaged – because everyone has the right to determine their own course through life, especially when they reach their later years.

But in the U.S. and many other countries, LOVE is both more and less important than we recognize. For instance, we overemphasize the importance of ‘romantic love’ – as if it were the be-all and end-all of love. This is a fairly superficial view of love, one that is used to promote all kinds of goods and services in the advertising and marketing world. The most damaging feature of this belief in romantic love as ‘real love’ is that it presents this initial stage of love as the key to ‘living happily ever after.’

Unfortunately, this leads most couples to have an unrealistic view of what love is and what it can be throughout a lifetime together. When the romantic love stage wanes (as it inevitably does), too many couples think this signals the end of their love for each other. They fail to recognize the far more important kind of love that is waiting to emerge if we value and support the shift to a deeper, more bonded, more connected level.

Those who appreciate this transition and don’t try to hold onto the earlier ‘romantic’ love are far more likely to actually achieve the ‘happily ever after’ relationship. As with many things in life, holding on to a fantasy can prevent you from experiencing the real thing – and the rewards that come with it.

I know that when we’re young, it’s hard to imagine being older and finding joy and comfort in having a partner to hold dear to your heart. We tend to think short-term and fail to appreciate that the decisions we make today eventually lead us either toward or away from the long-term goals we might want for our lives.

But if ‘lasting love’ is your ultimate goal, it’s important not to cling to the first stage of love (the romantic love that doesn’t last). Otherwise, you miss out on having BOTH - the romantic love in the beginning and the lasting love for the long haul. Each one has its place in your life, and the sooner you understand this, the more likely you are to have a life filled with love.

For more about the changing nature of love, see our book, Making Love Stay.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTE: If you enjoy these blog posts, please check out the list of 107 similar 'musings' (and read 8 of them) included in my book Musings on Life.