Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy
by Frank Pittman
The author is a psychiatrist and family therapist in private practice who says that affairs are the most common major crisis of marriage. One of the things I like best about his work is that he places the issue of honesty at the very center of things by stating, "It's not so much the sex as the secrecy that causes the crisis." He believes strongly that the "lie" (or the secret) is the real betrayal of the trust and intimacy of the marriage.
I find that most of our ways of viewing affairs are very similar, especially our focus on the importance of honesty. For instance, my experience through the years has been that people recover from the fact that their spouse had sex with someone else before they recover from the fact that they were deceived.
The author has a very straight-talking style, often incorporating wit with the wisdom. Here are a few examples:
--"Infidelity is your partner's nuttiness. Don't take it personally."
--"If you are the one who is being unfaithful, my best advice is to stop it, reveal everything, and throw yourself on the mercy of your family."
--"If you wonder whether certain behavior constitutes infidelity, I recommend that you ask your spouse."