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After the Affair:
Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
by Janis Abrahms Spring

This book is written by a therapist who has had extensive experience in counseling couples dealing with affairs. (I know her personally and see her as one of the "solid" therapists who has a clear understanding of this issue.) One of the things I like about her approach is that she shares my concern about the impact of the various terms and labels we use in dealing with this issue. For instance, she doesn't categorize one as the "betrayed" and the other as the "betrayer;" instead she uses the terms "hurt" partner and "unfaithful" partner. In fact, we think alike in many areas and she provided a quote for the jacket of the 1998 revised edition of my book, "The Monogamy Myth." (Those who have read my book know that I feel strongly about avoiding "loaded" words that tend to trigger the already-raw emotions.)

Another thing I personally like about it is that she confirms my own opinion about the prevalence of affairs. In my book I point out that if the general consensus is that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women have an affair at some point in their marriages, this means there's an even HIGHER percentage of marriages involved (since they're not all married to each other), perhaps as many as 80 percent of couples. Janis Abrahms Spring uses a similar figure, saying about 70 percent of couples have been affected by extramarital affairs. While this book has plenty of good overall guidance to offer, its primary strength is the fact that it addresses both the one who had an affair as well as the partner who is struggling to deal with the affair.

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