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Previous Question — and Peggy's Response

True Love!!???

Question:
What if two people find true love? Falling in love is one of the reasons people have affairs. What if a person has experienced enough in life to know true love?

Peggy's Response:
I must admit that this whole question about "true love" is problematic on the face of it. In fact, the only term that does more harm to relationships than "true love" is "soul-mate." Both make it sound like love is some magical, mystical thing, removed from everyday reality. But a better definition of real "true love" is Love that Lasts. (For more on this distinction, see: Information about Lasting Love.)

The fact is that neither true love nor a soul-mate are things (or people) that you "find." True intimacy (that leads to true love) cannot be reached quickly. It's easy to kid yourself that you have a degree of "intimacy" with someone you just meet—particularly if you get involved in sex right away. But this initial feeling of intimacy doesn't last. It ends, to be replaced by a much deeper (and more real) intimacy over time—only if you are able to understand the difference between that first superficial sensation and the "real thing."

Shared experiences over time, along with getting to know each other on a deeper, more trusting basis, is required to even approach anything like becoming "soul-mates." Frankly, while there's no such thing as finding your soul-mate, it's also quite rare for a couple to truly become soul-mates. That's because it takes time, commitment, experience—and honesty. (For more on this important factor, see: Honesty!)

So forget the idea of "finding true love." Also, it's not true that "falling in love is one of the reasons people have affairs." They have affairs because they fall into lust or into the first stage of "romantic love"—which is not the same thing as true love. So if you want to experience "true love," settle down and invest the time and energy necessary to develop it with the one you hope will eventually become your soul-mate.

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