The above quote (from "The Monogamy Myth") describes the basic code of secrecy among those having affairs.

This is not to "excuse" affairs or to say that "everybody does it, so it's not important." This is a very important issue. But for too long we have simply pounced on those who are exposed and gone about publicly punishing them. Unfortunately, this kind of selective exposure and punishment does nothing to address the larger issue of how many people are having affairs. And since we can't effectively address a problem until we properly identify the nature of the problem, the first step is to raise awareness of the prevalence of affairs—and the universal tendency to lie about them.

For instance, the truth is that if all those who have had an affair were removed from their jobs (including every member of Congress, every member of the media reporting on this issue, and every legal pundit commenting on this issue)—the government, the media, and the legal profession would crumble. And if every member of the above groups who has had an affair were asked about it (even under oath)—almost all of them would lie. The fact is that lying about this issue is in a class by itself, not an accurate indication of whether or not someone would lie about other things.

As a society, we need to acknowledge the enormous hypocrisy involved in the way we deal with the small percentage of affairs that get publicly exposed (as if they were unique in any way except the fact that they were "caught"). We also need to address the voyeuristic, titillating way we deal with most sexual issues—and begin serious discussions aimed at addressing our general lack of responsible honesty about sex.